


By the Memorial

by Riya3



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 07:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riya3/pseuds/Riya3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto finds that relationships aren't anything he's good at, while Kakashi speaks to Minato's name on the memorial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By the Memorial

When Sakura finally agrees to go out with him, Naruto is ecstatic.

She has the experience between them, but he hopes he can scrape together everything he's learned over the years to make their evening perfect. Admittedly, a hasty discussion with Sai and quick reads through the less racy parts of Ero-Sennin's books aren't the best way to gain relationship advice.

But he arrives early and optimistically, with a smile as bright as the orange jumpsuit that he decides not to change out of. Because Sakura has been his friend for years and as much as she claims to be a romantic at heart, he knows she'll arrive at Yakiniku-Q in her red cheongsam, prepared to gulp down barbequed meat as enthusiastically as she always did.

He knows that they'll have an evening of fun conversation, where she'll laugh heartily at his silly remarks and he will continue to make her smile because that was their way. He knows that he'll go back with a grin on his face and a warm tingling in his heart, and boast to Sai and Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei about having finally won the girl he'd chased since the age of six.

When she appears at the table wearing a green kimono that blends beautifully with the shade of her eyes, he lowers his gaze and weakly mumbles a compliment.

The silence hangs in the air between them and Naruto realizes for the first time that he's stepped into a different world, one where Sakura applies the makeup he's occasionally seen gathering dust in her drawer. One where there's no sheen of sweat on her forehead from heavy training, where her pink hair is neatly gathered on top of her head instead of hanging messily around her face. He realizes with a sinking feeling that she knows what to do and he's expected to know what to do with her.

He realizes that he wants to go back to where Haruno Sakura is a girl with whom he can laugh and play-fight with, and it's fine if he doesn't win her because the part of her that's something to be won isn't the part he likes.

Naruto returns to training ground seven after they finish their meal, content in the knowledge that there wouldn't be a second date and that it was ok, because the Haruno Sakura he knew best would be back for their training tomorrow. She would make fun of him and they would laugh it off together.

But there's a lone figure there, standing by the memorial with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed towards the stone. He's stood there for almost an hour every day since Obito's second death, muttering words into the cold evening air. Naruto approaches him in sheer curiosity, and he looks up and tilts his head, smiling slightly underneath his mask.

"How was your date?"

"…We'll stay friends."

"That's fine, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei. It's fine."

* * *

He can't wear his orange jumpsuit to his date with Hyuga Hinata.

The Hyuga family is traditional; they frown and cast disapproving looks when Hinata tells them of how Naruto has asked her out to Ichiraku Ramen, his favorite place to eat. Sakura talks to her and comes back to inform Naruto that his date with the Hyuga heiress will take place in the Hyuga compounds instead, within the main house. She tells him that they will have the best chefs in the village bringing them their meal, and that he'd better enjoy it.

Naruto agrees, and then promptly begins to panic at the thought of what he's going to wear and how he needs to act. Sakura shrugs because she comes from a civilian family, but she wants her friends to be happy and they both turn to their third teammate with looks of desperate pleading.

Sasuke begrudgingly gives him a lesson in table etiquette, muttering under his breath at the dobe's inherent clumsiness the entire time.

And so Naruto arrives in the small room in the Hyuga main house. There's a beautiful view of the cherry blossom trees though the open wall that lets in the soft spring winds, and he grows more anxious by the second. Hinata sits on the other side of the table, wearing loose purple Hyuga robes that make her look plain yet elegant. Naruto tugs at the collar of his shirt and begins to feel the ache in his knees at around five minutes in.

Their conversation is incredibly light, and he suspect there is a chaperone looking in with Hyuga eyes. Hinata can sense the discomfort and she tries her best to stutter and tap her fingers together and do something  _anything_ to make him feel more at home, because her relationship with Uzumaki Naruto would inevitably consist of inescapable Hyuga tradition. Her clan has stood up for her and supported her since Neji's death, and she has taken up their mantle to remain loyal to their ways.

Naruto smiles and somehow survives the evening. Hinata has chased after him for years, but he can see that what she's chased has been an ideal, an archetype of a person she struggled to emulate but never could. And now she has settled into her own, and he is just something she holds onto for unknown reasons.

He tells her that it was fun and the food was great. She smiles her gentle smile and walks him to the gates of the Hyuga compound, acknowledging the slightly more approving looks of her relatives when they see her courting him in the traditional Hyuga way.

Naruto says goodbye and kisses her on the cheek like Sakura told him to but he never mentions another date. It seems like he has left her, but he knows that Hinata had left him before their evening together had even begun.

He walks by the training grounds again on his way back to his apartment, peeking into the small clearing where the war memorial stands.

Unfailingly, Kakashi is there, head bowed and talking into the winds like he always did at that hour. Naruto walks out from behind the trees and goes to stand by him, looking out at the names etched into the stone. Kakashi glances at him, acknowledging his presence.

"Hyuga Hinata, was it?"

"Yeah."

"Maa, I hope they didn't put you through too much trouble."

"It was ok. My stomach liked it better than I did, though."

* * *

It takes him three months to gather the courage to ask Uchiha Sasuke out.

They spar together in the mornings, and their movements are fluid and familiar after the years spent fighting each other in heated, thinly veiled competition. Naruto knows Sasuke's body almost as well as his own. He knows when Sasuke will turn and lunge forward with his kunai held loosely between long fingers, and he knows when Sasuke will depend too closely on the smooth elegance of the Uchiha taijutsu style and leave his left side open to strike.

They've danced this dance together for years, and Naruto realizes after months of denial that he wants more from his friend and teammate than victory in a spar. With that the cold knowledge of his preference settles down on his shoulders, as if mocking him to find someone who is the same.

After their spar, they sit together under the shade of a tree in training ground seven. Naruto watches Sasuke cool down after the exercise by stretching one long leg and pressing the rest of his perfect form down against it. There's a gleam of sweat over his face and over his chest where it's visible through his open shirt. He straightens, and stretches his arms over his head, revealing lean muscles that make Naruto gulp and avert his eyes.

What he feels for Sasuke is different from what he once felt for Sakura and Hinata. He feels the urge to run his hands over Sasuke's smooth chest and maybe lower. He fantasizes about the stoic Uchiha responding in ways that make his toes curl and something else twitch.

But there's no way. No possibility. He doesn't have a chance. Uchiha Sasuke is the most confirmed bachelor in the village. After realizing that 'restoring his clan' would inevitably include taking a lover, he stoically decided that he would take the newly restored Uchiha name to his grave.

But Naruto is Naruto and rejection has never been something he feared. So he reaches forward and taps Sasuke on the shoulder and asks him if, maybe, just if he likes, they could possibly go for dinner together that evening. Sasuke sees the look in his eyes and finds it familiar, an expression on his teammate's face that could so easily be mapped onto that of so many others who had looked at him in the same way.

He looks away and carefully tells him that he'll come if Kakashi-sensei and Sakura are free.

That evening, the four members of Team Seven are seated around a table they had reserved, and plates of food are heaped in front of them. Kakashi and Sakura talk freely and discuss rumors of Shikamaru taking a 'troublesome' A-rank to Suna simply to see Temari, and Sakura unabashedly tries to get a peek at his face while he eats.

Naruto glances at them with wistful eyes and the strange twisting feeling in his stomach prevents him from joining their banter. He spends most of his time looking at Sasuke, who eats silently and occasionally glances out the window as if thinking of how much more training he could be doing in this time. Naruto watches him and feels an ache that not even Sakura's laughter can erase.

The next day evening, he goes to inform Sasuke of their mission in the morning. He looks down at the mat in front of his teammate's apartment door and sees a small letter tucked securely into it, protected from being blown away by the nighttime breeze. Curious to see who it's from, he picks it up but the letter is sealed and the glue that holds it closed is in the form of a carefully penned heart.

Sasuke opens the door and takes the offered letter someone has addressed to him and tosses it into the bin near the entrance. Naruto regurgitates the mission details in a blank voice while his teammate leans on the doorframe and nods absently. He leaves without setting foot into the apartment. Sasuke is his friend and he's giving him a chance to back off with his dignity intact and Naruto takes it.

For some reason, he finds himself walking towards the memorial again that evening, almost wondering why. But he rationalizes to himself that Sakura is away and Sai is a jerk and sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to and maybe Kakashi-sensei wants to talk to someone as well because the dead never reply.

"You have a mission tomorrow, don't you?"

"Yeah. With Ino and Kiba and…Sasuke."

"What a strange team. Tsunade-sama must have thrown together whoever was off-duty."

"She probably did."

* * *

There isn't anyone who understands him better than Gaara does.

Maybe that's why he's covered by the same soft sheets that are spread over the Godaime Kazekage's form. Gaara's room is silent and his sand covers the floor. The curtains are drawn over the windows, allowing only the hints of moonlight that struggle to filter through the cloth. Even in the dim light, Gaara's hair is red like fire.

Naruto wants to reach out and touch it, but he kind of aches all over. Even the aches are nice, though. They're languid and great and remind him that relationships aren't so strange after all. He's content to lie on his side in the bed and watch his friend and lover and listen to his soft breaths.

No one back in Konoha understands why he takes so many long missions to Suna.

He isn't sure himself exactly how it started. He only remembers coming to the Kazekage's office to deliver the status report for their mission. And he had told himself that  _no no no_  he wasn't supposed to think of Gaara like that but the next week when he came again to submit the mission's completion and Temari had yawned and told him that Gaara was in his room…

Gaara never tires and Naruto doesn't either. He waits for the aches to dissipate before tapping the sleeping Kazekage's shoulder, nudging him awake. He waits for those dark-lined eyes to peer back at him before cheekily asking if Gaara has enough stamina to continue from where they left off.

He wonders if he just has a thing for silent people.

For a moment, the brief flash of what brought them together appears again, and it seems like the night isn't over. But then Gaara glances up at the clock on the wall and mumbles that he has an early meeting with his council. He sits up with his clothes still half-undone and slips out of the blankets, smiling slightly and throwing a remark that he'll be back in an hour or two.

Naruto knows it's true, because not even discussing foreign policy would be enough to soften Gaara's unspoken excitement.

His relationship with Gaara is different than any he'd tried before. It had started suddenly and continued at even, steady pace. Because Naruto doesn't like the awkwardness of most relationships and Gaara doesn't like being a romantic, and they fit together as lovers just as well as they do as friends. The circumstance they share is enough.

But he lies there and looks up at the stucco ceiling and knows that it's great but not perfect. It doesn't reach the caliber of his fantasies of Sakura or even Sasuke, even though he had made  _those_ more realistic. Gaara is firm under his hands and it's fun to talk to him and he's surprisingly strong but…

They're  _too_  similar.

They're too similar and they're young and eighteen and  _like_  never attracts  _like_  in that toe-curling thrill that he wants.

When he leaves for Konoha after the hasty completion of their mission, Naruto hugs Gaara enthusiastically in front of his teammates and chirps about how great it was to see his  _friend_ again, because he's Naruto and that's the most straightforward way he knows. There's no need to say any more. Behind him Tenten 'aww-es' and Shino thinks it's beneficial that the current Kazekage and future Hokage have such a friendship.

Gaara nods and understands, and tells them that they're welcome to come back to celebrate Tanabata in Suna if they want, because that was just what he was like, and why he was so strong.

When they get back to Konoha, Naruto unloads his pack at his apartment and heads for the training grounds again. Sasuke and Sakura are on some mission and Yamato and Sai are having another emotional therapy session that always kind of creeps him out. Kakashi-sensei seems to be the only one on his team who's available at times like this.

He goes to the memorial a few minutes early, knowing exactly when Kakashi will be there. It's evening and the carved stone feels even colder than usual under his hands.

Naruto wonders what Kakashi talks about, when he's there for an hour. More importantly, he wonders  _why._ But he contents himself with running his fingers over the names that he's familiar with; the ones of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina and even Uchiha Obito, because he had died a good person the first time around.

"I thought you were on a mission," Kakashi's voice says from behind him. Naruto turns to see him calmly walking into the clearing, hands in the pockets of his standard-issue pants.

"I finished it early," he smiles.

Kakashi rubs the back of his head and gives him a sheepish look, "maa, it didn't end well, then?" He comes to stand by the memorial.

It takes Naruto a few minutes to realize what he means and he still needs to be helped along by the knowing look in Kakashi's eyes. When he does, his cheeks are flaming red and memories of heated nights come flooding back into his mind because his sensei  _knows_ and it was supposed to be a  _secret_ and this was  _not_ good. For a while he stands there with his mouth open.

Kakashi's eye crinkles into a smile and he reaches over to tap his chin up with one finger, "but you'll stay friends, right?"

Naruto nods mutely that yes they would stay friends. His frazzled brain is still reeling slightly, and his shinobi instincts are screaming at him to search for the nearest hole to hide in.

But he gulps and remains standing there, watching as Kakashi stands by the memorial. He's stopped whispering those words but that doesn't make a difference because they won't hear them anyway. Instead, he simply taps one foot against the ground and has an almost wistful look on his face, and Naruto feels like he's impinging on something he shouldn't.

He stays there for a few more minutes before silently slipping away, and only when he's at his apartment does he realize that he forgot to ask why Kakashi-sensei still went there to see Obito's name.

* * *

He knows the fifth one wouldn't work.

Two months later when the Godaime Hokage calls him to her office and announces him as her successor, Naruto is ecstatic. He leaps around the office and hugs Tsunade and hugs Shizune and even hugs that one anbu guard standing in the corner while Tsunade laughs, and the poor man stands stiffly and reluctantly in his sudden embrace. He doesn't quite care because there's enough cheer to go around anyway.

When Naruto returns to deliver the good news, Sasuke reluctantly congratulates him and Sakura screams in joy and throws her arms around him and Yamato-taicho groans at exactly  _who_ is going to do all the paper work he'll inevitably skip. But they've known it for a long time, and aren't surprised at all; it had only been a matter of when.

He doesn't tell Kakashi yet.

Instead, he goes to tell Sai, because Sai's a jerk but he's also a member of Team Seven.

Sai's apartment is bleak and dreary but his smile is bright when he opens the door. He invites Naruto in and follows some vague hospitality lessons he's learned from a book. Naruto tells him that no, he doesn't want and tea, and no, he doesn't want a back massage either.

"Strange," Sai says, sitting down beside him, "I've exhausted all the steps. I'm not sure what to do now. Are you going to leave?"

Naruto grins, "I came to tell you that I'm going to be the Rokudaime Hokage.

"Congratulations. Why couldn't you wait until morning?" He seems more curious than anything.

"Because I told the others at training, and you weren't there. And you have to know as soon as possible because you're my teammate."

"So everyone else already knows?" Sai asks, "how did they react?"

Naruto knows that he's searching for a behavior model to follow. He decides not to say because he'd rather not have Sai hug him like Sakura did. "Kakashi-sensei doesn't know yet," he says instead. "He wasn't at training either."

"Are you going to go see him too?"

There's a strange feeling at the base of Naruto's stomach but he nods 'yes', because there wasn't any particular reason not to. Sai smiles his bland smile again and leads him to the door of his apartment. Their interactions are often awkward and disjointed, but Naruto thinks that's perfectly fine because he doesn't mind awkwardness, and Sai doesn't notice its presence.

It's chilly when he walks through the late evening streets of Konoha. But the weird warmth in his stomach makes the cool air unnoticeable, and the muttering he does under his breath creates small clouds of icy smoke. Kakashi's apartment is a place he's never visited before. No one of them but Sakura ever visits him, and only to heal injuries when he's too stubborn to visit the hospital.

But Naruto finds himself standing in front of his sensei's door, and a hand that looks like his is knocking on its surface. The sound echoes through his head.

"Congratulations," Kakashi tells him, leaning on the doorframe after the door swings open, "I heard. You've come a long way, 'Rokudaime-sama'." It's said almost teasingly, but he's known his sensei long enough to detect the glowing pride.

Naruto gulps and smoothes a smile onto his face, because the fifth one wasn't possible. The fifth one would never work, and the fifth one wasn't retrievable like the others. "Yeah!" He exclaims, "Tsunade baa-chan is retiring next month. She's planning on freeloading off Shizune, now that she has a position at the Konoha hospital and makes almost a million ryo every year."

Kakashi frowns and raises an eyebrow, "she's not planning on training you?"

"Yeah, well, she'll do that too. But she doesn't need to, cause I'll be the greatest Hokage in history," he promises.

"Maa, I don't doubt that. The people already love you, after all."

There's silence in the cold air, and it hangs uncertainly like the puffs of frost between them. The flickering streetlights outside cast shadows onto Kakashi's face, and the neighbors have long fallen asleep.

Naruto isn't sure what makes him do it. He's mumbled to himself a hundred times on the way to the apartment that the fifth one was off limits, because he wouldn't want to be with a kid like him who had a silly little crush. But he does it anyway because he's Naruto and thinking has never exactly been a priority and Kakashi-sensei is  _right there._

He leans forward and presses his mouth to Kakashi's masked lips.

For a few seconds, his sensei's form is immobile before him. The cloth of the mask he never removes is as cool as the night air, but the slight warm of his mouth can still get through when Naruto moves just slightly closer.

Before Kakashi has the opportunity to react, he pulls away.

"Um…sorry about that, sensei. Hehe, I was just really glad, you know? I'll be…uh…going now."

Mortified.

\-----

When he returns three days later from the mission he took for the express purpose of  _not_ seeing Kakashi-sensei, he heads directly for the training grounds. Because it's silly, and acting so differently is just going to make Kakashi think he's weird. It's much better to just laugh it off and go back to training.

He doesn't need to ask where Kakashi is. It's eight o'clock and he's by the memorial like always. Naruto puts a confident, cheery spring in his step and leaps out of the trees and into the clearing.

Kakashi looks back to see him approaching, and the crinkling of his eye reveals his smile.

"Maa, you shouldn't take A-ranks so quickly. People will be interested in your bounty, now that you've been announced as the Rokudaime," he said.

"Yeah, I know," Naruto mumbled, feeling silly already. "But it was an interesting mission. I mean, escorting the daimyo's kid to his…um…third uncle…something time's removed's house was fun."

"Sure," Kakashi turned back to the memorial stone, and Naruto decides to stand next to him, wondering if he's imposing. There isn't any wind and the clearing seems almost unnaturally still.

A question rises up in his mind. One that he always forgets to ask. Sakura would hit him on the head for intruding, but Naruto doesn't care for tact on a good day.

"Kakashi-sensei? Why do you still come to see him? I mean, after…"

A look of momentary surprise flashes across Kakashi's face, hidden expertly by his mask. But Naruto can see it in his eye. It's a mix of curiosity and apprehension, of pensiveness and calculation. He turns back to the stone and runs his finger over a few names.

"I don't come to see Obito's name," he explains, almost too calmly, "sometimes I see Rin, and Yondaime-sama, and Kushina-san."

Naruto frowns, and his curiosity is peaked further. The names seem to stand out from the stone, as if they hold something lingering of the people who claim them. For the first time, he understands why Kakashi comes here. He wonders what he says, and if he ever imagines how they would reply.

"Why?" he asks blankly, "why otou-san and oka-san?"

"Sometimes I wonder if they'll be fine with me falling for you."

He turns to stare, but Kakashi gives him a sheepish smile. "I promised him that I'd tell you if you asked. Otherwise he'd call me a coward," he explains. His words are stated plainly.

There's silence again. It's not a silence of waiting, or of comfort, or of awkwardness. Hatake Kakashi has learned to be as straightforward as his once dead-last student, because that seems to work well most of the time.

Naruto is still gaping. "Kakashi-sensei … likes me?" He wonders. Some strand of reservation breaks as he leans forward, and pleasure flares up in his imagination because Kakashi-sensei is his complete  _opposite_ and that toe-curling thrill he wants is in front of his eyes. And it's in morning visits to Ichiraku Ramen just as much as nighttime visits to that plain apartment.

But Kakashi's two fingers are on his forehead, tapping it playfully.

"I'd like to play at showing you what a relationship is supposed to be like, Naruto."

And Naruto is fine with that, because maybe the fifth one isn't as impossible as he thought.

**Author's Note:**

> So this started out as an experiment in present-tense, and turned into some more why-did-I-spend-an-hour-writing-500-words. I'm a perfectionist sometimes. 
> 
> But it was really fun to type. I do some original work, but fanfiction is always more fun (^^)
> 
> Comment (^^)?


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